Knowledge is power.
Over the years I have struggled with my mental health, and with lack of proper treatment, I ended up doing a lot of my own research.
Upon my meticulous study, I began to learn about others too, and this greatly enhanced my interpersonal relationships.
How incredibly empowering it has been! It has enabled me to withdraw emotional attachment to outcome, it has allowed me to see past the words people say and their true actions. I used to be utterly oblivious to all of this, and found myself in a series of abusive situations for many years. I had no discernment, poor boundaries, and very low self esteem.
With this wisdom, I am given the ability to enter into each new situation, each new relationship, with a quiet curiosity and no expectations. When I see their behaviors and patterns, I gently take note. I never presume or judge anyone, but I think of it as sort of an interesting experiment. I often find myself thinking, “well this person A,B and C behaviors, which are also behaviors of narcissism, borderline, etc. So I’m going to predict that they will do this behavior (ie. getting super clingy, randomly ghosting, moving very fast very soon, etc).
Sure enough, I’m almost always right. I am not diagnosing, I am just exercising discernment for the first time, something that was hidden from women for a very long time. When these anticipated events occur, I do not always disengage, I simply nod to myself, knowing that this would happen.
It works wonders in arguments. I can call people out on their BS right away, be it gaslighting, manipulation, etc, I roll my eyes and without any emotion, tell them flat out what they’re doing, and if they continue to treat me that way, I am going to have to leave. Boom. Healthy boundary set, and depending on the person this may anger them, or it may cause them to hopefully look within at their behavior and what triggered it.
A wonderful story about discernment is “the tale of Bluebeard” I learned more from that story than I did from ten different therapists. Not to put down therapists, there are some really great ones out there, I have had a few that have utterly changed my life. They showed me who I really was, what was really going on, and ultimately instilled in me a desire to dig deeper, heal and grow.
It is amazing how textbook many of us are. When you start paying attention to the traits displayed, and the patterns they engage in, it really does become black and white. It’s always exciting when you find out you were right too. “I knew that was gonna happen!” It prepares you, it takes away the emotion, and replaces it with curiosity about the human condition.
A predator can pick their next victim/supply very easily. They can spot them from a mile away, and they know that they will be an easy victim. Now we are armed with knowledge, and we can counteract this attack.
We will no longer be harvested.
We are standing on the shoulders of our ancestors, and they are reminding us how powerful we really are.